21 People Got Exactly What They Wanted for Their Birthday

21 People Got Exactly What They Wanted for Their Birthday

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Ah, another year around the sun. Birthday celebrations are all about you, a whole 24 hours dedicated to when you graced the world with your presence. Friends, family, and complete strangers must now submit to showering you with all the compliments, presents, booze, and most importantly, all the partying that you can handle.

When it’s your birthday, you better be able to handle a sh*t ton of debauchery because that’s what YOUR day is for. There better be birthday cake, endless amounts of shots from new friends at bars, making out with randoms, and birthday sex. The epitome of adult birthdays is ending the night with a drunken romp in bed, of course.

And if you don’t end the night with a roll in the hay, you better have made the night worth it. There should be blow-up dolls, endless amounts of jell-o shots, and a million text messages that you wake up to asking if it was all worth it, since you’ve probably lost all inhibitions and got everything you wanted. That is, after all, what it really comes down to: making sure you survive the ridiculous antics on your birthday to make it to another year.


(248): she starting give me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said “I’m the birthday girl”, and kept on doing what she was doing.


(226): This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabilities. Time slots begin at noon


(240): this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.



(253): Birthday Coupon: This text is good for at least 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeemable any time, anywhere, and any style.


(919): She got sunburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle…when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!


(214): You asked the dj to play ‘who let the dogs out’ because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song


(252): Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it (919): Are you talking about my vagina?


(727): she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex


(608): all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me “our parents f*cked on the same day!”


(814): Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don’t know what to think right now.


(518): woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room… birthday successful? i’d say so


(914): gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.


(952): Why are you covered in frosting? (262): Friend’s birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.


(970): There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?


(503): i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and “just do what i was born to do.” and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.


(518): I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.


(712): Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.


(989): It’s my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.



(216): 6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn’t get a cab. Best birthday ever.

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