Squirting is something of a sexual phenomenon. We hear myths of some women experiencing it during sex, but many of us never have and wonder if it’s a real thing.
The short answer is: yes. It’s real. And while you can learn how to do it, some people might never experience it, says Kat Van Kirk, Ph.D., a licensed marriage and family therapist, certified sex therapist, and resident sex expert at AdamandEve.com. But you’ll never know if you can until you try!
When teaching yourself to ejaculate, also known as squirting or gushing, have patience with yourself and your body. “It can take some time to get a feel for it because women tend to clench and draw upward when we orgasm, and squirting requires relaxing and bearing down,” says Antonia Hall (Antoniahall.com), a practicing psychologist and author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life. (Hit the reset button—and burn fat like crazy with The Body Clock Diet!)
A lot of women feel like they’re going to pee when they’re close to reaching an O, which can make bearing down sound like a terrible idea. But that gotta-go feeling is often sparked by female ejaculate coming from the Skene’s glands behind the G-spot. When the gland swells and fills with fluid, it can press on the urethra, which it also drains into, and that can make it feel like you need to pee, says Hall.
The G-spot is a small bundle of tissues and nerves about two inches into the vagina on the upper wall. That’s why trying positions that involve rear entry have a greater likelihood of stimulating this area. Though the existence of the G-spot has been somewhat controversial, many women say they’ve definitely located it, says Van Kirk.
The ejaculate itself can range from as little as a half-teaspoon to several tablespoons full, says Van Kirk.
Before beginning you’ll want to empty your bladder, to help ease your mind.
First, you’re going to get comfortable, relaxed, and really turned on. Whatever helps get you there should be used, whether it’s visual aids (porn, erotica) or your favorite sex toy, says Hall. Making things slick with your favorite water-based lube is also helpful, she says.
“Focus first on stimulating your clitoris, as it’ll help bring blood into the area and get your G-spot area ready for play,” says Hall. When you’re turned on, insert your middle and ring finger a couple of inches inside the vagina and rub your G-spot, which feels like a small ridged area along the front of your vaginal wall, she says.
As we mentioned, behind the G-spot is the Skene’s gland, which is often referred to as the female equivalent to the prostate. Like the prostate, which produces seminal fluid, the Skene’s gland produces the female ejaculate. “It’s important to push on the G-spot to get the Skene’s glands swollen and ready to gush,” says Hall. Hooking your fingers to press into the area can help stimulate the glands, causing you to squirt, she says. Keep the palm of your hand cupped around your clitoris to get dual stimulation.
“Play with what feels really good to you,” says Hall. You can also use a dildo or vibrator, but it’s good to get a feel with your fingers first to locate your G-spot.
It may take even more pressure than your fingers can provide, says Hall. “A deep thrusting motion tends to work for a lot of women. But if it doesn’t happen for you right away, just enjoy the pleasure for now and keep experimenting,” she says.
If you find that squirting is your new secret talent, good for you! If not, hey, at least you gave it a shot and got a little action along the way. Don’t feel like you are any less of a sex queen than a lady who gushes. We’re all sexual snowflakes.
It’s a 7-step program.
You know how people blame Disney movies for giving people unrealistic expectations about love? Well, I blame porn for giving me unrealistic expectations about sex. If porn were any indication of people’s everyday sex lives, we’d all be firing off liquid streams of erotic bliss at every climax. Sorry, but no.
That said, this elusive sex sensation isn’t entirely impossible. Apparently, for some women, it does come (ha!) naturally. But for others, it may be possible to learn.
First, a little refresher on what squirting actually is: While there’s still a lot of debate, Madeleine Castellanos, M.D., notes that “squirting appears to be fluid that’s retained in the bladder that’s released either when a woman has orgasm or other times.” This is thought to involve the skene’s glands—two structures located near the end of the urethra that can produce fluid with G-spot stimulation.
But why the hype? Castellanos notes that it can feel pretty effing fantastic. In fact, one study showed nearly 80 percent of women who’ve experienced squirting said it improved their sex lives. “The urethra has all these nerve endings in it, as anybody who’s ever had a UTI can attest,” she explains. “It’s very sensitive. So when you get this rush of fluid going through, at the same time you’re having an orgasm or you’re getting sexual stimulation…that can be a very pleasurable experience.”
That said, “a lot of people think this is the pinnacle of orgasm…and if you haven’t done it, your orgasms are less-than—I don’t agree with that,” Castellanos says. “For some people, squirting adds to the orgasm, and for other people, it does nothing or it detracts from it. It’s not the same for everybody.” No shame either way.
Of course, you’ll never know until you try. So if you’re still curious about making yourself squirt, here’s a step-by-step guide to attempting your first time.
1. Put some towels down…just in case.
If you do succeed in squirting, things may get a tad…messy. So Castellanos recommends taking precautions if you’re worried about over-saturating your sheets.
2. Try to relax, and give yourself plenty of time to get turned on.
Have patience with yourself and your body. “It can take some time to get a feel for it,” says Antonia Hall, psychologist and author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life.
3. Start by focusing on the clit.
“Focus first on stimulating your clitoris, as it’ll help bring blood into the area and get your G-spot area ready for play,” says Hall.
4. Then, place a lot of pressure on the G-spot.
When you’re turned on, insert your middle and ring finger a couple of inches inside the vagina and rub your G-spot, which feels like a small ridged area along the front of your vaginal wall, Hall says.
And realize your’e going to need to do it for an extended period of time. “What [you’re] pushing on is actually erectile tissue that surrounds the urethra,” Castellanos explains. “As you’re stroking that, what you’re doing is you’re changing the angle of the urethra to the bladder and it’s much easier for that fluid to be expelled.” To improve your odds of squirting, relax the pelvic floor muscles as you stimulate the G-spot.
5. Get some help from a toy.
The amount of pressure needed to squirt is “usually more pressure than you can do yourself or a partner can do for you, especially for a long period of time—and it typically takes a while to learn this,” says Marin.
She recommends the Njoy Pure Wand for assistance. “It’s just got this nice curve to it, and it has two balls on either end of it,” she says. “The angle that it’s curved at…just has this really nice leverage. You can put one of the balls against your G-spot and use a rocking motion to stimulate it.”
Still not convinced it’s worth ponying up money for? “That toy alone has helped a lot of my clients squirt for the first time,” Marin says.
6. Don’t stress about peeing.
A lot of women feel like they’re going to pee when they’re close to reaching an O. But that gotta-go feeling is often sparked by that fluid coming from the Skene’s glands behind the G-spot (aka squirting), explains Hall.
And even if pee does come out, don’t stress, says Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist and the creator of Finishing School. “Sex is messy and there’s a lot of fluids involved already, so even if it was urine, who cares?” (But if it’ll make you feel better, you can use the restroom before you get started.)
7. Don’t be too hard on yourself if it doesn’t pan out.
Above all, Castellanos says, “be compassionate with yourself if you don’t make yourself squirt.”
If you don’t succeed the first time—or even after multiple attempts—it just means your body’s natural impulse is to keep anything from coming out of the urethra while you get busy. Just relax, enjoy the feelings, and if it happens, it happens.